Coping With Loneliness During the Holidays

As the Thanksgiving decorations come down and the Christmas romance movies start flooding your Netflix suggestions some of us may get the gripping fear of loneliness and wonder how we’re going to cope with the loneliness this year. While some of us may feel the fluttering butterflies in our tummies as we think of the lights, the hot chocolate, and stockings, holidays can be tricky since they can amplify the feelings of loneliness and isolation within us. So what are some ways to deal with loneliness during the holidays? 

Sitting with difficult feelings can be a heavy, painful experience. Feelings have the power to rock our worlds into submission. With the power to grip us and make us feel as if we are going to slip off a cliff and into a black hole they can darken our days and eliminate all slivers of hope. But just as they are confronting they are also huge changers. Feelings like anger, for example, many times give us the power and energy to place a boundary or ask someone to stop. Feelings may also alert us to stories and beliefs deeply ingrained into our subconscious mind, meaning stories and beliefs we may not be entirely aware of. As we move through life many of us might not realize but feelings give us the opportunity and power to see things that may not be working in our life as well as help us become more knowledgeable on the things that make us feel alive and full. The gift that holidays may bring to us is the fact that they have the tendency to stir up all sorts of feelings meaning that all sorts of stories that we may function on will start rising to the surface. This is especially true if we take the time to slow down and pay attention. When we do this we receive an opportunity to know ourselves more deeply. 

Paying attention to our feelings

As we’re moving through the days leading up to whatever holiday we may be dreading, notice the rainbow of emotions that might show up for you. How do you go about doing this you might ask? 

• Slow down, you’re feeling something you know you are, don't dismiss it

• Notice where you might be feeling discomfort, movement, or tension in your body

• Can you visualize or feel what you’re sensing in this spot of your body? 

• Answer the following questions in a journal:

• What emotion is showing up for me?

• What am I sensing in my body?

• What are the thoughts or stories going on in my mind right now?

• What does my body need right now?

Doing this practice through this time of rollercoaster feelings where one moment we may be in the throes of happiness gazing at the shiny lights on our drive home with our fluffy sweater on then the next moment feeling a cascade of deep sadness moving through us can bring deep knowledge and insight of our inner wounds. Let's also not forget all the sorts of feelings that may get stirred up as we spend time with our family members. If you’re still not sure why getting to know our inner wounds is important make sure to check out, “Healing Our Inner Child.”

Loneliness during holidays or more?

Feelings tend to be like clouds that come and go on a rainy day. Paying attention to where our feelings are stemming from or what message they may be whispering to us is an important part of getting to know ourselves and getting to know what we need more of. They allow us to either solve something that’s going on within us or simply be with ourselves and experience the momentary cloud we are feeling. As you’re experiencing these moments it’s also important to consider just that, are they clouds that come and go or has it been raining on your side of town for quite a while? Consider the two following things as you think of these questions:

• Are these simply feelings I am experiencing? Like clouds that come and go on a rainy day? (Start with exercise one and see what stories or reflections arise in you)

• Am I experiencing these feelings often? Am I sitting in these feelings more times than not?

From here you may be able to decide what you may need to do. Do you need a hug and a good chat with someone? Or maybe we need to fill our life with more play, laughter, and warm connections going into the new year. Maybe our feelings are trying to let us know that connection and more play is something we’ve been missing as of late. The beautiful thing is that every feeling can become a gift of great reflection and connection with the world around us. Weathering the storm is difficult and scary and sometimes it wipes us right out but the pot of gold that awaits us on the other side is worth it, for us and for the relationships we care about.