How to Overcome Loneliness
As the holidays roll by and you start seeing red and pink hues fill the stores, it dawns on you, Valentine's Day. Great, more feelings of loneliness to start the year just right. You start thinking about your loneliness and start wondering, how do you overcome loneliness? How do you overcome feelings of loneliness when you’re single? Or even how do you overcome loneliness after a breakup?
Getting curious
Before we even get started on attempting to overcome sadness and loneliness the most important things to do is to ask ourselves the following:
What are these feelings asking from us?
What are we telling ourselves about these feelings?
Why are these two questions important for us to ask ourselves when attempting to overcome sadness and loneliness? It's important to know that feelings are messages that hold energy and typically what they ask from us is that they be felt. The best way to approach them is by practicing how to honor and create a routine around noticing what we are feeling and if possible, sitting with these feelings. All feelings give us an opportunity to discover a message in regards to the things we desire and long for. Many times what happens is the exact opposite. We may start feeling lonely and sad and we end up doing everything except feeling our feelings. This typically results in us pushing our feelings down, attempting to repress them, which later results in a spillage of a wave of much stronger feelings.
The second important question to ask ourselves is, what are we telling ourselves about these feelings? This means paying close attention to the stories we tell ourselves when we feel these feelings. Many times we don't realize that the stories we are telling ourselves are not even true. One of the best tools we can practice having when it comes to the feelings we experience is curiosity. Curiosity for our own internal world. Next time you feel lonely ask yourself,
Why do I feel so lonely?
When do these feelings arrive? Are they triggered by something specific?
What is it that I'm desiring? If its a partner or friend, think about the essence or things they would bring into your life that you might be currently missing
Asking ourselves questions and being curious towards ourselves is a loving act most of us don't tend to practice. These practices allow us to bring focus back onto ourselves and eventually help us feel loved and cared for. In the following paragraphs we’ll dive deeper into the importance of each of these questions.
Why do I feel so lonely?
At first it might seem silly to ask yourself this question since the answer might seem obvious but asking ourselves this question is crucial in the process of taking responsibility into our own hands. When we zero in on the reason why we might feel lonely we can start to make sense of the story going on in the background. We can then identify whether or not this story is true for us. The narrative or story we tell ourselves can take us further into feelings of helplessness or feelings of, “hey, this is a feeling im experiencing right now and it feels really horrible, let me take a moment to feel it.” This further impacts the way we carry ourselves in our day to day. If we are constantly thinking that we are lonely, what our brain will do is look for evidence of that which we believe.
When does loneliness appear?
As the second bullet point marks, noticing when the feelings of loneliness arrive is just as equally important since this can help us go about things differently. Knowing when you tend to feel lonely and having something in mind to soothe and hold yourself during this time can be very helpful and caring. Let me give an example, let's say you tend to feel the most lonely in the evenings, noticing this could be very helpful in having a plan in mind for when those feelings start to arise. What are some ways to overcome loneliness in the moment?
Calling a friend
Listening to music that matches your mood
Feeling what you’re experiencing by journaling
Taking a bath
Slowing down
Holding a position that feels safe for you
What message does loneliness bring?
Finally, paying attention to the deeper message that our feelings bring will help us discover the things we might be desiring, wanting more of, or lacking in our life. At first it might seem obvious that you’re desiring something like a partner or close friend. This is good information to have in order to start taking baby steps towards it but here we also have an opportunity to understand what we currently want more of. What feelings does a partner or close friend stir in you? Is it adventure, laughter, joyfulness? Your feelings might be reminding you of the need for more of these moments where you experience adventure, laughter, and joyfulness. As you think about the different ways you can bring more of these moments into your life, remember to always try to fill your cup first.
