What Is Positive Self-Talk?
If you’ve ever fallen down the rabbit hole of manifestation or affirmation videos, then you might’ve wondered, what do affirmations really do? Or what is the benefit of positive self-talk or what are some examples of positive self-talk?? If it works, I want in. Don’t we all??
As you might imagine, positive self-talk is when we replace the negative yet insistent comments our mind makes with positive, more affirming thoughts. So yes this means the, “you idiot” you scream to yourself when you drop something has got to go. If only it was as easy as snapping your fingers, right? If you’ve been staying up to date with the other blogs, you might recall the mention of a little voice inside our head. A little voice that comments on everything we do and say with something negative or fear inducing. If you’d like to read more on this check out, “How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk.” This little voice has recollection of everything we’ve been hurt by, making it our number one protector. A protector of the unknown, of change, and anything that might seem scary based on our past experiences. Since one of the most important tasks our brain is in charge of is keeping us safe, this little voice in our head aids in keeping us cautious of the world around us. This is where that negative little voice is formed. If you’re interested in reading more about how to stop this little voice check out, “How to Overcome Negative Self-Talk.”
What is the benefit of positive self-talk
Now, why is positive self-talk important? If you’ve ever tried to replace the negative self-talk you occasionally participate in, *wink, wink* then you know it’s not as easy as it sounds. Replacing the stream of mean, negative thoughts one might add to our already anxious mind is not as easy as simply telling yourself nice and wonderful things. Why is this? Why isn’t it this easy? Two of the biggest factors contributing to this are the following:
We are not comfortable sitting with our feelings
We don’t have enough familiarity and understanding of our past patterns
What does sitting with our feelings have to do with self-talk? Let me explain, think back to a time when you did something wrong, and you felt insanely guilty about it or a time where you might’ve said the wrong thing and felt highly embarrassed. Did simply replacing the stream of mean, spiteful thoughts with nicer ones vanish the flood of mean thoughts? No. It might’ve even felt like whoever suggested positive self-talk was some corny person living in a bubble of positivity. Why does it feel that way? When we do this it’s like we are superficially trying to cover up a wound with a little band aid. Imagine having a big cut and simply covering it with a small band aid. Is placing a band aid over the wound going to take away the pain? No way. In this same way attempting to superficially replace negative self-talk with positive one will lead us to feel like we are faking it or repressing it. So, what do we do? How do we switch our negative self-talk with positive self-talk?
How to form a relationship
Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk requires us to form a relationship with ourselves and the feelings we feel. Just like you’d form a relationship with a friend, replacing this chatter requires us to get to know ourselves and our stories. If you had a friend come to you and tell you they were feeling sad would you ask them to shut up and keep working? No, the reality is you would sit down and listen to their feelings and listen to where they are coming from. This is sitting with and understanding feelings. This is where compassion is born. Without understanding and accepting feelings this work of replacing our negative thoughts with compassionate ones is nearly impossible. It’ll feel superficial and fake.
The importance of compassion
As mentioned in the previous paragraph compassion is important when attempting to be nicer to ourselves. It requires us to stop judgment and accept that we all make mistakes. Compassion also brings with it an energy that can change and alter courses. It reminds us that we are all human and that life is complicated. It not only brings us closer to ourselves but it also brings us closer to those around us. As we build compassion for ourselves we will slowly start replacing that critical voice with a nicer, more understanding voice.
What positive self-talk is not
In this day and age where short ninety second videos fill our feeds it might seem more appealing and easier to seek quick fixes and instantaneous problem-solving strategies. The truth is that when it comes to doing our inner work nothing is ever that easy. Keep in mind that there’s usually more to the story or more to unpack. Changing how we talk to ourselves and the amount of compassion we show and give ourselves is one of the steps that we stumble upon as we start to get curious in the journey of knowing ourselves more and more. Be aware of what positive self-talk is not so false expectations and fantasies can be avoided.
Positive self-talk is not repeating a list of affirmations every day
Positive self-talk is not faking it or repressing it until you “make it”
Positive self-talk is not a quick fix
Remember to be kind to yourself in this journey and dare to get curious.
